Who am I anyway?

If you read my first “welcome” post, you probably know my name is Alejandra.(dats me☝🏼️) However, I decided to write this post to give you information about myself that you probably don’t even care about.

I’m a senior at the University of Nebraska at Omaha. I absolutely love writing. I always have. That’s my shit. I also love to workout out..cardio, lifting, yoga, you name it! I recently fell in love with cooking, but that wasn’t always the case.

You see, when I was a pubescent adolescent (maybe 12 or so), I started noticing something that I had ignored all of my childhood; my body.

I didn’t look like the pretty girls on tv…and that bothered me. I became obsessed with changing it. I tried everything I could; I got up early in the morning to jump rope and run around my backyard like a maniac, I stopped drinking soda, I drank my moms Slim Fast and Herbalife milk shakes and did 30 jumping jackes before bed. In 3 weeks, I went from being 113lbs at 5’3 down to 110 lbs.

This wasn’t good enough for me and I started developing really negative feelings toward myself. Everytime I looked at myself I the mirror , I was disgusted. I started to hate being in my body. One day, after a week or so of binging on my Easter candy, I weighed myself and saw that I was at 115.  I got so mad at myself , like I’ve never been that mad ever in my life. I decided I’d stop eating candy forever, and not just candy; I’d decided to stop eating, period.

For almost two months, I only ate saltine crackers, thinly sliced ham, apples and Diet Coke. I didn’t touch a piece of candy. My mom, noticing the drastic changes, would make me eat whatever she cooked while she watched me. I discovered a way to get passed her.

I would chew the food but instead of swallowing it, I would spit it out into a napkin, and throw it away when she left.

I weighed 92 lbs at this point. This was probably one of the darkest times I my life. I was 12…

In 8th grade, I started playing sports. I ran and played softball. I hoped this would help me with my negativity, and anxiety. To some extent, it helped.

By the time I got to high school I started to put on the weight again and I started making new friends. I tried to move forward from that dark part of my life that I believed to be “just a phase”, but I couldn’t avoid it, I still hated how I looked. Hating yourself is not just a phase, it’s a trauma and like other traumas, they don’t just “go away”.

It wasn’t until college that I learned that so many people (especially females) hate their body. And we shouldn’t! Our bodies are literally capable if doing amazing things! We can create other humans for god sake! But learning to love your body is a process that could take a lifetime to learn.

Becoming vegan brought me peace. Peace with animals. Peace with the environment and most importantly, peace with myself. I have discovered amazing foods that are GOOD for me. No more “yoyo” diets, no more hating myself..I can’t explain exactly how being vegan has changed me, but I can tell you that I’ve never loved myself this much.

Thank you for being here.

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6 thoughts on “Who am I anyway?

  1. Thanks for telling us about the beginning of your journe. I say that because all our life is a journey. I was there when this part of the journey started for you and I was proud to see you stick to your principles. I’m happy that you have found some peace and that you are sharing your delicious recipes. Keep smiling beautiful!!!😘

    Liked by 1 person

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